How and where to find your love: useful recommendations and advice from psychologists. How do you know if you love a person? Take a step towards love

Almost all songs, films, poems and books are based on true love. This feeling is sung by poets and portrayed by artists at all times. True, often true love is confused with another feeling - with love.

How to figure out if your feeling is real, and how to distinguish it from passion, love or affection?

What attracts and excites you the most in a person?

Love. As a rule, in this case, you are most worried about the physical data of your partner - figure reliefs, eyes, become, oblique fathoms in the shoulders, a courageous face, etc.

Love. You are concerned about the personality of your partner as a whole. Physical attraction and craving for a person is present, but only in conjunction with the personal characteristics and qualities of a partner. True love is the perception at all levels of all human qualities. You are worried about his light unshaven, strong back, the manner of drinking coffee in the morning and communicating with colleagues, paying in the store and shaving wooden figures on the balcony - everything, without exception.

What qualities attract you to a partner?

Love. In this state, the number of qualities you admire in a partner is very limited. Perhaps they act on you in such a way that the earth leaves from under your feet, but these "dizzying factors" are limited to a charming smile, gait, or, for example, the scent of perfume.

Love. True love is when you love in a person not only "every crack" , a mole and a bulge, but also all its qualities, sides and actions (admiring the good ones, and condescendingly teasing the not the most positive ones). Any minus of a loved one immediately turns into a plus or is simply perceived as a fact and is accepted as it is.

The beginning of your romance

Love. The feeling flares up instantly - from an accidentally thrown glance, touching a hand, a short dialogue, and even a chance meeting, for example, in the company of friends. It looks like an obsession. Once lit by a match from one smile of a partner, the feeling can also quickly go out from the wind of change, as soon as the person's character is revealed.

Real love. It always comes gradually. It takes time to understand, realize and fully accept a person. It is impossible to love with all your heart a person about whom you know nothing. You can, of course, deceive yourself - "I love him, and everything, whatever he may be," but true love always requires a test of time.

Consistency of interest in a partner

Love. With this feeling, interest in a partner sometimes glows with a hot flame, then subsides for days, or even weeks. There is only one reason - falling in love is not distinguished by deep roots of feelings, it is superficial, and there is nothing under it that would warm up a permanent interest in a person.

Real love. It never dies down. Not a day (and sometimes even an hour) goes by without you thinking about your partner. You constantly want to see him, to be near, to hear a voice. And if when you are in love, separation is tolerated quite easily, then for a truly loving person, even separation for a day is unbearable.

The influence of feelings on your personality

Love. Primitive infatuation with a partner (proven fact) is disorganizing. It relaxes, reduces concentration, displaces reasonable thinking. Falling in love is known for spontaneity of actions and romantic flair, behind which, in most cases, only illusions are hidden.

Real love. Genuine deep feeling is a creative phenomenon. A loving person strives for self-improvement, he succeeds in everything, “turns mountains” and crosses the sea “ford”, showing his most positive aspects and fiercely fighting negative ones.

Attitude towards people around

Love. "To hell with all of it! There is only him ”- in short. Everything fades into the background, friends and parents “do not understand anything in this life,” outsiders interfere, affairs do not matter. You are not in control of feeling, but feeling is in control of you. All those values that you lived by have lost their meaning, you sacredly believe that everything is possible for you, because you have a good reason, and apart from this feeling, nothing else matters. Bottom line: friends "split off" and disappear, relations with parents deteriorate, problems begin at work. But this is later, but for now, love reigns supreme.

Real love. Of course, he, beloved and dear, is the most important in this world. But you will not put him above your parents. You will not leave friends on the sidelines of your life. You will find time for everyone, because true love has settled in your big heart, which will be enough for the whole world. Your love gives you wings to develop relationships with the world around you, and illuminates the road to prospects.

What other people think about your relationship

Love. Most of your friends and acquaintances, as well as relatives (and, especially, parents) do not approve of your relationship. Blinded by feelings, a woman does not want to see flaws and even obvious vices, idealizing the object of her passion. From the outside, however, it is always more visible. And if every second person asks you to change your mind or at least take your time, it makes sense to stop for a minute and cool your head - perhaps an epiphany will come to you before disappointment.

Real love. If the feeling is really deep, and decisions are taken seriously, balanced and from a sober position, the people around you do not resist and do not try to impose their opinion. Either they just approve of your choice, or they clearly realize that your love will only grow stronger, in spite of everything. Read also:

Breakups and feelings

Love. An enthusiastic woman needs 1-3 months to completely "recover" from falling in love. Physiological longing for a partner lasts a maximum of 3 months, after which thoughts come about parting, about the meaninglessness of the relationship and that that blue-eyed handsome man in the next office is even nothing.

Real love. This feeling is not hindered by either distance or time. Those who truly love each other do not break the connecting strings even after thousands of kilometers and years later. They will write each other sms, communicate via Skype, scribble long letters the old fashioned way and miss, miss, miss ... Waiting for the doorbell to ring. Because true love is when a partner becomes a part of you, and two souls are so tightly intertwined that they can no longer exist separately.

Feelings and quarrels

Love. The more time passes from the date of acquaintance, the stronger and more serious the quarrels become. Why? And because under love there is only emptiness. There is no spiritual connection, there are no common themes, there is no base on which strong alliances are created. As a result, after a while it turns out that you don't even have anything to talk about, and scandals somehow "diversify" the relationship. Read also:

Real love. A deep sense of disagreement is not a hindrance. On the contrary, they strengthen relationships that are initially built on mutual understanding and the search for compromise. Love means giving in to one another. And a spat in a strong union will never affect the relationship itself. So, for example, a husband and wife, who have lived side by side for many years, can quarrel to smithereens while wallpapering and immediately sit down to drink tea, laughing and making fun of each other. Whereas a "in love" girl can "send to hell" her partner just because he bought a bed of the wrong system.

Your perspective on your relationship

Love. You two are separate individuals. "I-he", "mine-his", etc. In your relationship, except for enthusiasm, there is practically nothing in common. The word "we" is not about you, it is not even in the lexicon of your relationship. You can easily go on vacation without him, have dinner without waiting for him from work, or fly to a friend in Italy when he needs your moral support.

True love begins with the word "we". Because you are two halves of one whole, and even each separately you perceive each other as nothing other than "we", "us", "us". You are not burdened by the vacation spent together or even working together, you dine, crawling under one blanket in front of the TV, and stir the sugar in a cup for him while he cuts the sausage for your sandwich.

Selfishness and feelings

Love. Behind the interest in the partner and the dedication to him there is a selfish interest. For example, because being next to this broad-shouldered tanned hero with a plump credit card and a shiny expensive car is prestigious (such a new fashion). Or because "even better than none." Or so that more respectable gentlemen were salivating on her, now inaccessible. Etc. Regardless of the option, you always remain a “girl who is on her own”, and any interference of your partner in your personal space is perceived as a personal insult.
True love does not know self-interest. You simply give yourself entirely to your chosen one, opening wide the doors to your heart, home and refrigerator. You do not assert yourself at his expense, but simply love for what he is.

Between earth and sky

Falling in love is an earthly feeling, presupposing, for the most part, earthly pleasures, thoughts and actions.
True love always hovers above the “earth”. There are no barriers for her, any trials are divided in half, and dawns for two and spiritual closeness are dearer than all earthly blessings.

In this case, we speak of falling in love as hobby and temporary passion

We are usually blinded by those we love

We touch on a very difficult topic in the field of feelings: love is a delicate and unpredictable business. Isn't that why artificial attempts to arrange a personal life fail so often? And not a single super-analytical apparatus of a person can calculate whether He is suitable for Her. So how to distinguish love, how to recognize it?

Defining love is not easy. You can immediately reveal such concepts as tolerance, sensitivity, clarify feelings of anxiety or regret, but with a feeling of love it will not work out quickly. And Ozhegov's dictionary will not help: addiction - what kind of love is this? Addiction is not love yet. Moreover, not love - attachment ... You can, of course, refer to the definition given by the ancient Hindus: “There are three sources of human drives: soul, mind and body. Soul attraction breeds friendship. The attraction of minds is respect. The attraction of bodies creates desire. The union of three drives gives rise to love ", or to the words of our contemporary John Money, who speaks" about the heart-beating flame of passion "... But let us take into account the statement of the Russian philosopher Vladimir Solovyov: "The problem of love has never been consciously posed, and therefore it has never been solved properly."

But to distinguish sympathy from love, perhaps, you can. And, surprisingly, you can track at what point "just a friend", who "just likes" and with whom "just interesting", miraculously turns into a man of dreams.

It can be a completely insignificant, trifling event. Let's say strangers attacked you on the bus for ... green hair and an outfit that went so well with your hair. Suddenly, your buddy, like a tiger, has defended your favorite color. Well, it got to these "ill-mannered people" who "it is not clear in what century they live" and "all the more they dare not touch his girlfriend!" ... What in this case played the role of a catalyst for love - his desperate determination I called you in front of everyone "my girlfriend" - only God knows that. You will remember this case more than once with smiles on your faces, but it was he who made you look at your friend with different eyes, allowed you to see in him not just a friend with whom you can spend time interestingly, but something more.

We will not give examples of more serious actions - for example, when you were walking in the park in the evening, alone, it got dark, and suddenly you were attacked ... In this case, the result is important. Thanks to this act, you realized that next to you is a person who in a difficult moment will be able to come to the rescue, you looked at him with different eyes and realized that he is more than just an acquaintance for you. You learned that there is love between you.

But the questions - how to know if you are in love or not, whether it is love at first sight or just attraction, what spark ignites a fire in you when you encounter an attractive stranger of the opposite sex and something clearly happens in you - while they remained open.

Zhenya and Denis met at some seminar, they could not take their eyes off each other. They were eagerly awaiting a date. In the early days, they could not part for a minute. What is it - love or just physical attraction? It is difficult to answer unequivocally. Harmonious intimate relationships can develop into deeply emotional ones. In the case of Zhenya and Denis, their sexual attraction only intensified for several months and it all ended in a successful marriage.

Waiting can sometimes make love even more joyful. Although Marina was very attracted to Misha, she restrained herself. They hugged, chatted for hours, and parted at midnight expecting more. The slow increase in desire resulted in a harmonious intimate relationship, which only strengthened the romantic feelings that they shared.

If it happens sooner or later, an unexpected sexual experience can trigger the hottest "chemical reaction." A survey of 12,000 men and women, which was conducted by the journal Psychology Today, revealed that in 20% of cases, one erotic episode was remembered for their entire life. Masha, for example, each time with delight recalls the first night spent with Andrei, who later became her husband. “At the time, he rented a room in an apartment owned by a strict hostess. She, of course, did not allow female guests to be brought in. We had no other place to meet, and one night we decided to sneak into the room in secret. The slow, painful ascent of the creaky stairs at first, then the opening of even more creaky doors was terrible, but it had an unusually exciting effect on us. "

What if the first night is not a success, but a failure? Does this mean that the "chemistry of love" will no longer work? Not at all, sex therapists say, this happens quite often when one of the partners is too impatient.

In conclusion, here are some of the signs by which you can recognize love. Perhaps they will help you distinguish between love between you, deep romantic feelings, or so far only a prelude to them.

The first sign of love is high spirits. You seem to be looking at the world through rose-colored glasses. As the saying goes, you don't see "thorns on roses" - you are glad that a bush with thorns is with roses. Everything that has recently occupied you fades into the background, food does not interest you, the words “sleep longer” are not relevant. You are constantly talking and thinking only about your boyfriend. Feelings, emotions associated with it are the sweetest during this period.

You feel that you are ready to sacrifice everything for the sake of your loved one. You know that if necessary you will not have to be persuaded - give all your strength, time and money.

But do not be upset if you have slightly different feelings - after all, every person is different. And love, fortunately, has many facets that will allow everyone to experience this high feeling in order to become immensely happy.

Kira Volonskaya, family psychologist

Love is an extremely subjective feeling and concept, but everyone who has fallen into its net can confidently say that there is nothing more beautiful and desirable in the world. However, how not to be mistaken in your feelings and recognize the first "symptoms" of love fever? It is no secret that infatuation, falling in love, passion and love have similar characteristics. And it is extremely difficult to see the difference, because the difference lurks deep within us. How to understand whether you love a person after all or not? Let's answer a few important questions and understand what lies behind the irresistible craving for the chosen one.

First of all, you need to think about why this question arose at all. Where did this idea come from? It's pretty simple. At the beginning of a relationship, when a candy-bouquet romance “blooms and smells”, a girl or a guy has no doubts about his own feelings - we are firmly convinced that we love this person!

However, after a few months (or weeks), the pink glasses fall off, and the lover begins to wonder how much his chosen one corresponds to the ideal. Are the emotions real? Maybe it's just sympathy? In this case, feelings recede into the background, and the calculating mind is in the center. He seeks to cool the ardor of our emotions, caring, among other things, about the heart that can break. The voice of reason is a good phenomenon, indicating a healthy psyche of a person.

The concept of "love" is unique and individual, because everyone loves in their own way. However, common features are inherent in all people without exception: love is something good, warm, expensive, associated with a feeling of comfort when your chosen one is around.

Signs of love

Finding out if you really love a person is not always easy and simple. What to do? Take off your rose-colored glasses and try to look with the utmost honesty at your own relationship from the outside. You don't need to listen to your friends and "well-wishers"! So, the symptoms of true love:

Unselfishness. True love is an unselfish feeling. If a man or a woman is looking for a benefit, she is always waiting for the chosen one to do something for him or, even more so, to help with finances, there is no need to talk about love. These are not emotions, but enjoyment.
Sexual attraction. Can true love go without sex? It is difficult to say, since everyone is hearing the so-called platonic love, which does not imply physical contacts. However, many psychologists are sure that love is always combined with sexual attraction, which is completely natural. Simultaneously with the desire to possess, the person in love wants to see and hear the chosen one, to be close just like that, not because of the satisfaction of "animal" instincts.
Unconditional acceptance. To love is to accept a partner with all its advantages and disadvantages. A person in love does not seek to remake the chosen one to fit his patterns. Do you want to remake something in your heartfelt friend? Most likely, this is not love.
Confidence. The ability to trust a loved one is an important indicator of true love. If you are used to sharing your problems and joys with your partner, do not be afraid that they will not understand you or be laughed at, this is SHE. Incomplete trust is one of the signs that you still do not love this person.
Consistency. True love differs from falling in love in that it is not influenced by any external circumstances. For example, if relatives and friends oppose the chosen one, the loving person will defend his opinion and feelings. In addition, real emotions do not change plus for minus, even if the partner turned out to be far from perfect.
Sacrifice. Love implies the willingness to sacrifice oneself for the one whom the heart considers the best person in the world. Sacrifice does not imply a desire to receive something in return, the most important thing is moral satisfaction from the happiness of a loved one.

Several ways to know if you are in love

Of course, we would need a kind of indicator that would allow us to determine whether it is love or not. However, wise scientists have not yet invented such a device, which is why we will “identify” interest, affection, sex, sympathy and love according to certain signs and parameters.

Method number 1. Test

Can't figure out your own experiences and feelings? Answer a few simple questions:

Do you think about him (her) before falling asleep, want to wish him pleasant dreams?
Are you striving to make him happy?
Do you feel good, calm next to your chosen one?
When you think about him, smile, blush and worry?
Are you counting the hours until you meet him?
You think he's the best man (woman)
You know about all his shortcomings, but continue to accept him for who he is?
Does the prolonged separation from him bother you?

If you answered all the questions with a confident “yes”, congratulations, your feelings are sincere. When there is uncertainty in the answers, it is worth considering. Remember that the test should be taken in its normal state, avoiding special joys and quarrels.

Method number 2. Pros and cons

A common psychological method is to divide a sheet of paper into two columns and write down the positive and negative qualities of your chosen one. So you can get your real attitude towards him and a vision of his personality.

Analyze the number of pros and cons. What is your loved one woven from? Of the merits or demerits? The predominance of positive qualities is another joyful evidence of your love and good relationship to your partner.

Method number 3. Meditation

It is more comfortable to sit in an easy chair, on a carpet pleasant to the body - you will have to spend half an hour on it. In addition, there should be no distractions or extraneous thoughts. Getting into a "trance" is easier to accomplish by focusing on your own breathing.

Having calmed down and detached from extraneous thoughts, imagine this person. Happened? How do you feel? Do you feel like walking up, kissing, hugging, or running away? Decide on all your feelings (negative and positive) that arise when the image of a loved one appears.

Method number 4. "He is no more"

Rough enough, but effective technique. Try to imagine that your chosen one is no longer with you (you do not need to dwell on this idea). Or perhaps you've never met at all. What are you thinking about? Are such performances comfortable? Or perhaps they only bring you pain and discomfort? We understand the significance of any thing or person when we no longer possess them. The result of reflection will be an understanding of what feelings you have for your chosen one.

Love or affection?

Another common question: how do you understand if you love a person or is it just attachment? First of all, you need to understand that pure relationships and emotions almost never occur. Love, jealousy, sexual attraction, desire, attachment - we experience all this at the same time, but only in different proportions.

As we said above, disinterested caring is considered an important sign of true love. Attachment is considered a kind of psychological dependence on the chosen one or partner.

The main feature of attachment is not selflessness and happiness, but dependence and sometimes suffering that an addicted person experiences. If attachment is accompanied by special feelings that deprive a person of freedom, we can talk about psychological obsession.

So, sorting out your true emotions and feelings is sometimes quite difficult. But if you are firmly convinced of the correctness of your own choice, do not doubt your chosen one. Love is the most wonderful feeling to be enjoyed, especially if it is mutual. Love and be loved!

Hello, I am Nadezhda Plotnikova. Having successfully completed her studies at SUSU as a special psychologist, she devoted several years to working with children with developmental problems and consulting parents on raising babies. I use the experience gained, including in the creation of articles of a psychological orientation. Of course, in no way do I pretend to be the ultimate truth, but I hope that my articles will help dear readers to deal with any difficulties.

You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.

If you are unsure of your feelings, there are several ways that can help you determine if it is love. The biological processes of love cause physical side effects along with some changes in human behavior. By analyzing your behavior, as well as the relationship with your lover, you can understand if you are in love with this person.

Steps

Analyze your feelings

Think about how you feel about your partner. By analyzing your attitude, you can easily determine if you are in love with this person. However, you should not be guided only by this. In addition to feeling butterflies in your stomach, think about what kind of person your partner is and how you feel about them.

Are you helping your lover succeed in life? If you love a person, you will struggle to help your partner succeed in life. Plus, if you are in love, you will rejoice in the other person's success.

Ask yourself:"When making decisions, do I take into account the opinion of my beloved?" If a person is in love, all his decisions will be associated with his soul mate. This applies not only to global issues, for example, moving to another city or moving to a new job. Even making small decisions, you can take into account the opinion of your beloved.

Think about your future. When you are in love, you will make long-term plans. Imagining the future, for example, getting a new job or moving to another city, most likely, your loved one will also have a place in your dreams.

If you want children, do you consider your partner as the father or mother of this child? Do you think your partner will be a good parent? Can you imagine that you will have children from another person or do you not even allow this thought? Do you discuss with your partner your future together and having children? If so, then most likely it is love.
Can you imagine how you and your beloved will meet old age? What emotions does this thought evoke in you? Can you imagine events as distant as retirement and 50th anniversary?
When you make a decision that will affect your future, do you see your partner in it? For example, when imagining moving to another city or moving to a new job, do you see your partner at the same time? Or do you imagine your future without him?

How do you feel about your partner's shortcomings? Although at first it will seem to you that your beloved or beloved has no flaws, over time you will realize that your partner is an ordinary person who has both advantages and disadvantages. Your relationship to your partner's flaws can reveal the depth of your feelings.

Are you willing to compromise? When people love each other, they are willing to compromise. When you and your partner disagree with each other, you must learn to make decisions that satisfy both yours and your partner's wishes. If you are in love, you will strive to make the person next to you comfortable and happy. Therefore, if you are in love, you will be willing to compromise.

Analyze your behavior
1. Do you want your loved ones to like your beloved? If you are in love with a person, you will do your best to make a pleasant impression on your friends and family. How do you feel when your lover meets your loved ones? Is it important for you that this person is liked by your loved ones?
  
  Are you jealous of your loved one? Jealousy is an integral part of a romantic relationship. However, it is very important how you feel at the same time.
  
  Ask your loved ones if you have changed since you started dating this person. If you love a person, you will change as a person. You can change your mind both on minor issues, for example, changing some taste preferences, and on more significant ones, for example, changing life priorities.
  
  Do you monitor how you behave in the presence of your partner? If you are in love, then you will feel the need to be loved in return. Many, describing their feelings, say that a loved one understands them in everything. If you are experiencing the same, then you will not worry about doing something wrong in the presence of a loved one.
  - Can you calmly talk to your friend about your problems and feelings without fearing that he will judge you? Are you afraid to show negative emotions, for example, selfishness in the presence of your beloved? Are you worried that this could change his opinion of you?
  - How do you feel if your opinions differ on any issue? If you have different religious or political views, does your beloved respect them, even if he himself does not share your beliefs?
  - Are you comfortable with your lover? Can you be real in his or her presence, experience the full range of emotions? Can you cry and laugh when this person is around?
2. Are you happy with this person? While you may think this is obvious, actually analyze your feelings. You may find that you are not as happy as you think you are. While your happiness does not depend solely on your loved one, in any case, you should experience excitement and deep satisfaction in his or her presence. Of course, you should not expect that you will experience euphoria on a daily basis. However, you must look forward to meeting your beloved. You must be willing to spend time together. Even just watching a TV show together can be enjoyable when you're around the person you love.
Pay attention to physical signs

Hello! In this article, we will tell you about how to find your love. All people on Earth dream of loving and being loved. Some find their half during their school years, others go through several divorces and meet their love closer to forty. So how and where to find your love?

Love. What it is?

Love can be different: for parents, for children, for work, for hobbies, for God, etc. But love between a man and a woman becomes a separate important part in our life.

Such love has three important components:

Passion- the attraction of two bodies and sexual desire;
Intimacy- the closeness of two souls and friendship;
A responsibility- a manifestation of care for a loved one.

In a harmonious relationship, all three components of love are present.

As a rule, most relationships start with passion. The person is attractive in appearance, the desire for intimacy takes over, and this becomes the motivation for entering into a relationship. If soon sex does not happen between partners, then passion will gradually give way to interest in a person's personality. Friendship, trust and respect will arise, and with a favorable coincidence of circumstances, a desire to take responsibility for each other.

Who do you usually love?

Many, trying to find the love of all life, begin to wonder why some are loved, but not me. Sometimes a beautiful, intelligent girl is lonely, and her ugly friend is married to a loving man who carries her in his arms and generously presents her with gifts. Why is that?

Of course, appearance and self-improvement are important, but they still love those people who are able to remain themselves, be sincere, show weakness and open their souls to another person. As a rule, such people know and accept their shortcomings, which means they are more forgiving of their partner’s shortcomings.

Why doesn't love come?

There can be many reasons why you are still lonely. Your time may not have come yet. But more often the reasons are much more prosaic:

Many people come up with a certain image of an ideal partner and stubbornly wait for such a person to knock on their door. All candidates who at least somehow differ from the compiled portrait are immediately swept aside and are not even considered;
Excessive amorousness. A person falls in love very often and in almost any representative of the opposite sex he sees attractive qualities and a partner who can give happiness for life;
Self-dislike;
Gloom and gloom;
Domesticism;
Sad experience of the past.

One way or another, only you can honestly answer the question of why you are still alone.