A loved one died, what should I do? If a loved one dies, what to do? Help in organizing funerals

This text was written almost a year ago for those who have never been to a funeral and for those who themselves or their friends have never lost loved ones. The pain goes away and it's time to publish it.

In the 40 years of my previous life, I only attended 2 funerals. Once (about 20 years ago) I was at the funeral of a colleague, the second time (about 10 years ago) at the funeral of a friend. Both times I had nothing to do with organizing the funeral.

Recently a misfortune happened in my family. A person close to me died and organizing the funeral fell on me. I've come all the way. I saw confusion in the eyes of my friends, who had also never been in a similar situation. They simply did not know how to behave - to call or not to bother, to come to the funeral or not, to say something or to remain silent. They really wanted to help me, but did not know how to do it and what to say in such cases. As a result, they did not do what I expected from them.

In this post I described my personal experience. I am sure that it is not universal and is not suitable for all cases. This is just my experience...

First, I’ll write about what you need to do if your friend dies. close person.

1. Call ambulance so that they can witness death.
2. Call the police so they can make sure that the death was not violent.
3. Call a funeral service car to pick up the body. We tried to delay the arrival of this car until the morning, but we were not allowed to leave the body in the apartment - it was warm there.

The next day:

1. Come to the Ambulance and get a death certificate.
2. Come to the clinic and get another death certificate (I may confuse the names of the documents).
3. Get a signature and seal on this certificate from the head physician of the clinic.
4. Go to the registry office and get a death certificate.
5. Go to the funeral home and agree on everything.
6. Select a cemetery and choose a place in it. The most best places usually already marbled and prepared. They will be close to the entrance and much more expensive, but they will tell you that this is solely because of the marble. The places are further away, but on the first line the alleys will already have a foundation - this is four times cheaper than the previous ones, but still not cheap. If you are not ready for this, then you will be offered a place in order, which will be far from the path and you will have to make your way to it through other graves. The places there will be the cheapest - just a piece of land (at the Dubna cemetery one costs 11,000 rubles).
7. Next, you return to the funeral home and choose a coffin, pillows and blankets, wreaths and baskets of flowers, a hearse, a cross and a plaque (the monument can be erected no earlier than a year after the ground settles), you will carry the coffin yourself, or hire people for this and a lot of other things.
8. Go to the morgue and take there the things in which your loved one will be buried. Take a bar of soap, towels and cosmetics to be prepared.
9. Arrange with transport to transport everyone who came on the day of the funeral, first to the place of farewell (morgue or church), then to the cemetery and then to the place of the funeral.
10. Choose and agree with the restaurant where the funeral will be held. Select menu.
11. Call relatives and friends and tell them when and where the funeral will take place.

On the day of the funeral, you need to make sure that everything goes as you planned.

There is a term "pleasant troubles". It usually refers to a wedding or birthday. You need to organize everything, invite friends, order a cake, etc. A funeral is definitely an “unpleasant chore” and there are a lot of them. You have just lost someone close to you, and instead of just crying, you are forced to draw up various certificates and organize a funeral. At the same time, the officials you encounter in these institutions may have good mood, they may try to joke with you and they may not understand your condition at all. It's hard for you...

Now about how to behave if a loved one of your friend has died. The first 2 days are the most difficult for him. The third day is easier, but on the fourth there is a funeral.

If a friend called you and said that someone had died, then you don’t have to squeeze out a useless “condolence” and continue to breathe heavily into the phone. It is your friend. He feels very bad now. He is in trouble and you can help him.

Don't ask "How can I help?" Better find out what else needs to be done and think about how much of it you can take on.

Don't hesitate to call a friend. If he can't answer you, he won't answer. Or perhaps he is completely alone at this moment and he really needs to talk to someone, but he has already called everyone the first time. He himself will not call and say: “I need to talk to someone.” Call yourself. Find out what has already been done or what remains to be done or who is coming to the funeral or how his other loved ones are feeling... Just don’t leave your friend alone.

If you were personally acquainted with the deceased, then remember the cases of your acquaintance and communication. Remember any little things and tell your friend about them. It will be easier for him when he knows that his loved one is remembered.

Be sure to come to the funeral, even if you did not personally know the deceased. You come there not for the sake of the deceased, but for the sake of your friend who will live on.

Support your friend and try to be as close to him as possible during these days...

When loved ones die, we are in despair. Grief, tears, pain and rejection, anger at God, a feeling of terrible injustice. and reluctance to live further, melancholy and meaninglessness of existence. If only we knew what consequences our feelings would lead to. If someone told us that tears are death for a departed soul...

We come into this world with a specific mission, and when we complete it, we leave. Even if we go to early age, without having time to experience life, in youth, when everything seems to be just beginning, in maturity, when you are just beginning to understand the meaning of life... Even if we die from terrible diseases, die as a result of an accident or from old age... This is not will . This is the will of our soul, which, being born in its body, knows what it is doing. She needs this experience in order to improve, develop and reach a higher spiritual level. AND the soul will be able to choose a new body for itself in order to go through a new path and live new life. She can if she doesn’t feel the suffering of people close to her during her lifetime. Therefore, with all due respect to your grief and understanding of your feelings, I will tell you what absolutely should not be done, when loved ones die to you People.

When a person dies, the soul begins to leave the body. And under no circumstances should you throw yourself on the deceased’s chest, as this interferes with its release. The soul at this moment is trying to establish contact with the suffering person, to tell him that everything is fine, that there is no need to kill himself so much, that there is only peace, joy and love around him. But the loved one is emotionally exhausted, immersed in his grief and does not hear the weak voice of intuition.

Since the soul is connected with its loved ones through energy channels, if they continue to suffer, cry, constantly remember the deceased, or, even worse, talk to him as if he were a living person, the soul will experience suffering. She will not be able to carry out her mission further, since they simply will not let her go. The fact that your loved one left is the decision of his soul, and it will be better for him if you do not suffer, but accept it as his will.

Listen to your dreams, because when loved ones die, often their souls try to say or ask for something through a dream. Perhaps they are cold, hungry, or dreaming of returning back to Earth. There is no need to be afraid, just remember what the deceased person told you in a dream, whether he cried or smiled, suffered or was happy. Of course, such dreams open wounds, but try not to lose heart!

If you want to help, pray. helps the soul to get rid of the attachments of earthly life and get closer to God. Prayer calms the soul, gives it peace, helps it adapt to another world, and atone for its sins.

If you want to help, let the person go, move on with your life and be sure to be happy. Without him. This is not a betrayal, as some believe, but your path, your mission, after which you will leave.

If you want to help, remember only the good things, feeling the joy that it happened.

And appreciate every moment of life spent with other loved ones, since no one knows when their mission will end.

Yulia Kravchenko

If you have any questions while reading the article, you can ask me. I will be happy to answer you!

Do you know what actions must be taken after the death of a relative? Simple, but important rules will help you conduct the funeral ceremony correctly and avoid many mistakes.

In the article:

Necessary actions after the death of a relative

For every person there is death close relative- this is a tragedy. However, you need to remember that the human spirit goes to a better world, and you can do a lot to ensure that the soul is calm in the next world.

Preparing for the funeral

The body must be washed, after which warm clothes are put on it. The deceased must be transferred from the bed to the table and covered with a light cloth. Before transferring the body to the coffin, both the deceased and the coffin should be sprinkled with holy water. There must be a pillow under a person's head. The person’s eyes should be closed, hands should be folded one on top of the other (right on left).

The person is covered with a special funeral blanket. Next, a candle or lamp is lit, which must be lit as long as the deceased is in the room. There is a corolla on the human forehead. This is done in the hope that the deceased will receive an incorruptible crown from God in heaven as a reward.

Clothes of the deceased

Often the deceased is dressed in a formal suit. Everything should be completely new: underwear, socks, shoes. A man usually wears a handkerchief with his suit, and a woman a scarf on her head. But if during his lifetime the deceased was a military man, then he must be buried in full dress uniform.

If a person expressed any wishes, then they must be fulfilled. If the individual has used dentures, they are also worn.

An unmarried girl is buried in a white dress, as she is associated with the eternal bride. But she does not wear a veil or other jewelry. However, young men and women who are not married during their lifetime must wear wedding rings.

According to tradition, it is forbidden to wear a red suit, it will lead to the death of one of his family members. If the individual was a righteous believer, he would be subject to mandatory one must wear a cross, even if he has never worn one.

Funeral service

On the third day, according to custom, the funeral service in the church and funeral take place. The funeral service is allowed to be held (unlike a memorial service) only once. If the deceased was not baptized or not Orthodox, then this ceremony is not performed.

A clergyman should not conduct a funeral service for those who were previously baptized but renounced Orthodoxy. In such a situation, family members can pray for the person's soul. Funeral services are denied to suicides. True, there are exceptions, for example, if an individual ended his life being insane. But in such a situation, the consent of the ruling bishop is required.

After the ceremony has been carried out for some time, all family members and acquaintances can stay with the deceased with lit candles, praying for the soul of the deceased. The prayer read by the priest helps to forgive the deceased all the sins that he repented of during confession. However, sins for which he has not specifically repented are not forgiven with the help of this doxology.

Next, all mourners must ask the deceased for forgiveness and kiss the aureole on the forehead. Now the body must be covered, the priest sprinkles it with earth, closes it and does not open it again.

Funeral

The coffin should be taken out of the room so that the person’s feet are facing forward. If a clergyman is present at the funeral, then he should go ahead of the entire procession, as a spiritual mentor. The deceased is placed in the grave facing east. The cross is placed at the feet.

Mourners always throw a handful of earth on the coffin. The church has a very skeptical attitude towards cremation. But, if it was the will of the deceased, it cannot be violated.

According to the rules, funerals cannot be performed on the day of Holy Easter and the Nativity of Christ.

Wake

After the funeral service has been held and the deceased has been buried, relatives can arrange a memorial meal. She also. The Church does not approve of the presence of alcohol at such meals.

If the burial is carried out during a fast week, then the dishes should be lean. If the funeral falls on a weekday during Lent, the funeral service is moved to the next weekend.

Cleaning up after death

Do you know why it is necessary to do general cleaning after the deceased? In fact, this ritual has great magical significance. It is believed that the house in which the deceased was located is unclean. Therefore, in order to cleanse yourself, you need to do a general cleaning. It is very important to clean the floor well. Roughly speaking, a person needs to wash away the traces of a dead person. Important: You don’t need to sweep, but rather wash.

People believe that if this is not done, the spirit will return. Remember that relatives are not allowed to do the cleaning (just like carrying the coffin). It is believed that otherwise you will show the deceased that you are glad that he is gone. Remember that until the body of the deceased is taken out of the house, you cannot sweep the floor. Otherwise, you will attract new death into the house.

Why do they cover mirrors after death?

A mirror is a fairly ancient, strong magical attribute with which. There is an opinion that this is a real portal to another world, and that is why it must be closed if a person dies in the house.

People believe that for three days the soul of the deceased hovers around the place where he lived and if the spirit is reflected in the mirror, then it will always remain in it. There is also a less common legend that says that if, in the presence of a deceased person, a living person looks at himself in the mirror, then in the near future this person will also die.

According to belief, the fact that the soul is still lost in the labyrinths of the other world is evidenced by a clouded mirror. In this case, it must be immediately broken so that the spirit can escape.

There is an opinion that it is impossible to perform the funeral service for the deceased in a room where there is an open mirror. Since, firstly, it reflects the cross in reverse, which can be regarded as blasphemy. Secondly, it absorbs grace, and, accordingly, the power of prayer decreases. It is believed that mirrors can be opened after the death of an individual only on the 40th day.

What to do with the deceased's belongings?

Quite often people wonder what to do with the things of the deceased after his funeral? It is worth noting that the clothes a person was wearing at the time of death have a strong connection with the world of the dead. That is why a person always changes his clothes, and the things he takes off are burned. It is prohibited to use things that were worn by an individual who did not die a natural death.

If the deceased previously left a will, indicating how his property should be disposed of, then the executor must be the executor of his will. Clothing that an individual has worn for a long time will retain his energy for some time.

There is a lot of controversy as to whether it is worth giving these things to someone, whether they can be thrown away or burned. The most common opinion is that after 40 days, clothes that were used very rarely are freed from energy. former owner. But clothes that a person used much more often are best burned.