How to decide to divorce your husband
When a relationship is no longer satisfying, it is not easy for many to understand how to decide to file for divorce from their husband and whether it is worth doing it at all. In an effort to get a quick and correct ready answer, the desire to ask all your acquaintances should be postponed, because they do not know the full situation or are living the wrong family life that you want.
Understanding the uselessness of directive advice of the philistine household level will not give favorable results, since they will speak to you from the standpoint of their values and life situations that differ from specific moments.
When there are no common points of contact anymore, and there are no connecting everyday and legal issues, then thinking does not take much time, but when you are looking for support in your choice, constantly weighing the situation and rushing between different options, it makes sense to take a pause.
You should give yourself a certain period of time when a mature decision will be made, and not succumb to an outbreak of temporary or resentment. It is definitely impossible to get a divorce in a state of heightened emotionality, out of a desire for revenge or in an attempt to prove something - this way you can only aggravate your further feelings, regret what has been done when the way back is cut off. If possible, leave the city or live in a rented apartment, hotel, with friends. It is necessary to stabilize emotions, and suddenly it turns out that for a couple of days of your own silence you are bored and do not want to lose this person.
Imagine a situation without a divorce and really assess your chances of being in these conditions (day, month, five years), are they really that terrible or you just want an emotional shake-up. Make a list of all the complaints and consider if there are opportunities to change the situation or your attitude. In difficult family systems, where there is a place for violence of any nature or dependence of one of the partners, leaving is a psychologically difficult step, because a woman was in a toxic relationship and her mental resources were depleted.
For many, it is important how to decide on a divorce from an alcoholic husband or. At the same time, all logical and objective facts will speak of the need for speedy radical measures, but codependency can hold stronger than the instinct of self-preservation. Better to see a psychotherapist or visit appropriate support groups.
It is worth assessing the possible future, but also the material side of what is happening - the availability of housing and the division of property, the restructuring of common work, the regulation of meetings and relationships with children. Many moments from this area, with their inappropriateness, make women stay, endure beatings or constant betrayal. Here you can recommend getting legal advice, as well as advice and assistance from various organizations that directly support women in such a deadlock.
Deciding on a divorce if there are children can also be extremely difficult out of a desire to maintain a full-fledged family, but with any acting talents of the parents, the child still sees very clearly and even more clearly feels that the situation is unnatural. A divorced family, where each parent is happy separately, will contribute more to the formation of a healthy personality than two suffering creatures holding together with their last bit of strength.
Signs it's time to get a divorce
Crisis moments are the norm, regardless of the duration, semantic content of relations and their official registration. But the crisis can in no way be considered a reason for divorce - it is rather a transitional transformational period, after which a new life begins and a new recognition of each other. To understand that this is not a crisis, but the end of a relationship, you can ask yourself several questions regarding a joint future and how much your vision coincides. If you want different things, put radically opposite priorities (for example, a man wants a child, and a woman wants to travel the world), then it is hardly worth wasting each other's time.
There are a number of compelling and absolute reasons for divorce, including a mental or physical threat. It is not the difference in perception or goal-setting that is important here, as well as coldness in emotional manifestation, but the fact that the situation can end in failure in a psychiatric hospital, traumatology, or even a morgue. The first is, implying beatings, abuse, intimate harassment, threats to life and health. That is, even when your husband can leave you without food, locked in an apartment, or simply swung, but has not yet hit, these are already the signals when it is necessary to collect things while you have the strength to leave.
Any type of addiction is in second place in terms of the danger of being near a person. It is customary in our society to tolerate alcoholics, treat drug addicts, and gamblers are treated as quite ordinary people. However, all types of addiction destroy the personality of the user, which can subsequently lead to the emergence of cruelty. In addition, a woman's own psyche is changing, the criteria for the norm are gradually blurring and as a result, she also needs psychological rehabilitation.
Parasitism and lack of work and the desire to help the family, as well as to take all responsibility for its well-being and safety, deprive them of reliability. Paired unions provide protection and support, but when a partner simply lives on female energy and solves all his needs at her expense, then these are signs that it is time to get divorced.
The result of such a relationship is almost always the same - having completely exhausted herself, a woman can no longer pull everything alone, and then the man leaves in search of another resource. If the result is still about parting, then it is better to leave with full vital resources and the opportunity to build a new life, and not remain de-energized.
Insults and humiliation, especially in public, are not just words, but emotional violence that destroys a woman's self-esteem and self-identification. A tyrant with sadistic inclinations is always happy to joke about a sore subject, prick into the most open place. This can also include betrayal, as the most striking disrespect, and really, why keep such a relationship. But this moment is very problematic for psychological study, because in the mentality of the post-war years it has so far been postponed that there are not enough men and live with several families or with an alcoholic is better than just one. But if your grandmother tolerated such an attitude, then you should tolerate it. Now times have changed, and there is every opportunity to live independently and happily.
When your marriage is for the sake of children or in order to avoid condemnation or upset of relatives (an old grandmother will definitely not survive this), if you more and more create the appearance of a happy family, then it is worth divorcing. When a woman's whole body strains from the presence of her spouse in the room, and then she runs with relief to another, then this option is no better than his betrayal, only now you yourself are stealing the possibilities of happiness from yourself.
Take a closer look at your marriage, evaluate the amount of personal interaction and warmth in it, perhaps you have lived for several years as in a student dormitory. Yes, you have one territory where you meet, but there are no joint dinners, and vacations at different times.
When you notice that you have more interest and awareness of the life of your colleague than your spouse, and intimacy disappeared a few years ago, then everything is bad. The intimate part is the brightest marker of a relationship. Where there is hope, people will swear, slam doors, look at each other as if they were unknown animals, but at night they will be full of passion. And vice versa, even if the external picture is ideal and respectful, but there is no physical attraction, and cold or even disgust comes in its place, then there is nothing to save and it is better to stop creating an appearance.
When the understanding comes that a divorce from her husband is necessary, then the next moment is the search for strength and determination to leave. Lack of firmness of position, constant anxiety, and sometimes quite tangible fear are usually dictated not so much by the remaining feelings and the hope to fix something, but by the fear of change. A new life requires a lot of new solutions, adaptations, energy and confrontation with those issues of reality that previously might not exist in your life.
To have more determination, you need to draw yourself a plan of desires for the end of the relationship. You can go nowhere only at the limit and in a situation of life danger, if the relationship is not critical for life safety, then it is worth taking the time to realize what you want in your new life. This applies to both the place of residence and the format of new relations (or the absence of a temporary or total).
Perhaps there will be a question of changing jobs and general direction of activity. For women, the actual moment is her own appearance and the image that used to be with her. Having formed a detailed plan of the desired life, it is necessary to move on to strategic planning, that is, a real assessment of the available assets and ways to achieve the desired. Something can be done already during the application process, for example, change the style and look for new housing. It takes time to resolve other issues - if you have never worked, and now you need money, or a common business may require sharing not only the financial part, but also the effort invested.
After the inner plan is ready, it is worth preparing for a conversation with your husband. Here, too, one should think over everything well, assess the degree of his affective reaction. If you are leaving a jealous person, then the conversation is recommended to be held in neutral territory in order to avoid causing physical harm or imprisonment at home. Leaving a person who is psychologically dependent on you, get ready for moral blackmail (it is better to insure yourself with friends) in case of suicidal attempts. Not all situations you can control and solve on your own, so when passions escalate, immediately call the police or the rapid response service.
If your husband is an adequate person, and you leave just because there are no passions between you, then you can discuss everything at home, choosing a free evening and it is better to have a weekend ahead to solve the problem. In a conversation, you need to indicate your decision, indicate the reasons for your choice (this is a necessary step to complete the relationship) and offer to jointly solve all legal and material issues.
A separate difficult moment is a conversation with children, of which women are usually even more afraid than with a spouse. You should not lie to the child that everything is good between you and that this is only temporary. In gentle wording, together with your husband, tell us that you are disagreeing, be sure to emphasize that the baby is not to blame and remains loved for both of you. It is important for the kid to understand how his life will now be built, therefore, the conversation must be built after both spouses have imagined options for the future future - it is this new way of life that must be described to the child so that he understands where he will live, with whom, how often it will be see the other parent. You can talk with those who totally support you, and even better, are able to help with actions or help with practical experience.
Legal implications
After the decision has been negotiated, the legal side begins. A marriage contracted by the state is terminated only at the registry office, you simply cannot break up, because officially you remain one. If this relationship does not suit only the woman, then the man may try to maintain the formality of marriage for various reasons and refuse voluntary dissolution. 
You should not be afraid, termination is possible forcibly, and even without the presence of your husband - you will be divorced by the relevant authorities solely on the basis of your application. The only thing is that it will take more time and nerves.
In the process, the division of property occurs, taking place on the basis of the documents of the concluded marriage agreement or according to articles regulated by law. The issue of alimony can also be raised in court, but by mutual agreement of the parties, this can not be done - this is suitable if the woman is sufficiently wealthy and does not want to depend in any way on her ex-husband, reducing the number of contacts and obligations. But in many situations, lawyers recommend opening this issue in order to receive financial support in the first adaptation period. According to the law, alimony can be collected, being a financially and physically dependent person who is on the maintenance of her husband for the entire period of marriage, a woman has the right to payments for her personally needs and maintenance.
Legal property relations after the divorce proceedings cease, and from that moment on, all achievements and obligations, except for those established by the court (alimony or the framework governing communication), cease. Neither the ex-husband nor the wife can any longer demand help, support or compensation from the other.
Separately, the issue of changing the surname is regulated if, when registering a marriage, a woman took her husband's surname. This question remains at the personal discretion of the woman, but it is worth considering the need to change all documents when returning to her maiden name or choosing a different one.
Court negotiations are not always successful and involve long waiting periods when spouses are given time to think about their decisions. That is why it makes sense to solve everything individually, with registration from private lawyers. By making compromise decisions, in the end, you can get more important acquisitions than houses, stocks and multicooker - saved nerves and peace of mind.